Little Devil, Little Angel
by Bloody Rot
Summary: Sequel to Little Bad. A little soul, a little evil...Spike gets twice the trouble of what Angel had to deal with when he turned into a diabolical little imp. Godspeed, William the Bloody, Godspeed.
1. Peter Pan and the Big Stick

**A/N:** Well, this is a sequal to my not-so-smash hit _Little Bad_. I was going to make it Spike & William, but so many little Spike stories suddenly appeared after _Little Bad_ that I just didn't want to continue with the trend. Not that they're not good little Spike stories. Just wanted to do something a bit different. Timeline issues as always are a problem with this as there was no actual season involved in _Little Bad_ itself and considering Toth, you'd think Season 5 Buffy and Season 2 Angel, but Fred and Lorne were in the prequal, so...yeah. Haha. Majorly out of whack, but I hope you like it. =) Please review. Review a lot. It encourages me to continue.

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**Little Devil, Little Angel**

**Chapter One**

* * *

Angel hissed in agony as the demon's sword impaled his abdomen. He didn't like this demon, not at all. It had a sword...a sword that was now in his abdomen. It was also dressed in a way that made him think of child molesters - in other words, straight out of Neverland. A complete Peter Pan getup, from the green tights to the green hat. To make matters worse, the alley in which they were fighting smelled distinctly like urine.

"That wasn't very nice!" the former Scourge of Europe scolded, yanking the weapon out with a whimper. "I wouldn't do that to you...." He swung at the demon, precisely connecting with the beast's arm. "Okay. I lied."

"Oi! Sire!"

And as always, Spike created a sizeable distraction for any demon wanting a bite out of his sire. Not that he meant to. The younger vampire just had a superior lack of a little thing Angel liked to call "common sense".

And since Spike was so good at distracting Angel, the Lost Boy From Hell made the quick and clever move of bringing the heavy bladed instrument over the dark-haired vampire's head, causing Angel to fall to the ground in a half-conscious state.

"Oh Bloody Hell! Sorry!" The younger vampire lunged at Peter Pan. "Look, mate, I know he's poofy-looking, but that's no reason to hit him." He punched the demon in the nose. "Reason to hit you, maybe, but..."

"VAMPIRE!" Spike turned towards the booming voice to see a black-robed, reptilian looking demon with a big stick. "Inform me of the whereabouts of the slayer."

Spike snorted. "Or what? You'll hit me with your big stick?" He actually really wanted to tell Snakey Snake Snake where the slayer was, but then Angel might just stake him and that wouldn't be good. Not at all. "You're in L.A. Try somewhere a little farther along the coast." That wasn't informing. That was moving him away from here. Angelus couldn't get in a hissy fit about that, could he?

"Spike!" his sire growled from the ground.

Or maybe he could.

"Specifics, vampire. Or pay the consequences."

"Right. And who are you again?"

"My name is Toth."

"Well, Toth, I don't bloody well know so you'd best bugger off."

Spike turned his back dismissively on the annoying Toth character and returned his precious attention to Peter Pan, who was being strangely docile and attempting to collect the blood from his bleeding nose in a jar.

"What the..." Spike trailed off, looking at the milky white blood.

_Peter Pan, milk blood, jar....OH BLOODY HELL_.

"'S you!" he exclaimed. "You're a Borna Demon!" He backed away, nearly tripping over the still dazed Angel. Peter Pan shot him a menacing smile that was far more characteristic of the classic villain, Hook, in Spike's opinion.

"Damn you, Vampire!" Toth thundered from behind.

"A bit busy here, Toth ol' boy," Spike replied, his eyes not leaving the dreaded Borna demon.

He didn't see Toth raise his big stick, but he did see the little drops of milky blood race in slow motion towards his skin.

"NOOOOOOOO!!!" He shouted in pure, unadulterated terror.

But then there was his sire, up and about in his expensive shoes, heroically shoving his annoying childe out of the way. Why? Because Angel was a hero and always would be. Angel was a champion.

And when Spike groaned and opened his eyes, he found himself on the urine-covered floor of the alley. Toth was gone. So was Peter Pan.

And where was his sire?

"Peaches? Sire? Angel?" He looked around frantically. "Bloody Hell, where are you, y'poof!?" The Big Bad scrambled to his feet, caught in a bit of a panic. That's when he caught scent of something. Angel's scent and...something else. Something that was really bad. Very evil. More evil than him. Slightly insane, too.

Angelus?

Two identical little boys. Against a dumpster. Peering up at him.

"Will!" one squealed, launching himself at the startled Spike. "You're okay!" Little arms wrapped around his leg.

"Boy," the other growled. "I'm gonna make you bleed..." This one paused for a moment, fiddling with his fingers, picking at his little nails. "Lots," he added decidedly. "I'm gonna make you bleed lots."

Son of a bitch.

* * *

**TBC...**


	2. Looking Both Ways

**A/N:** Ah yes...well, this one seems to be liked so I updated quickly. There are a few holes...like Angel probably really shouldn't be a vampire at all, but its more amusing for me if he is. So, wee for that. I hope you like this chapter, it's still more of an introduction than anything else and I'm hoping when I get more time, there'll be a lot more to come, as I actually enjoy writing these retarded little kid fics that are just happy happy happy. Read and review. =)

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**Little Devil, Little Angel**

**Chapter Two** - _Looking Both Ways_

* * *

Spike's hands were occupied. One was taken up by a sweet, gentle, yet confident little hand. The other, though...the other was something to be reckoned with.

"For Hell's sake, Angelus, get your bleedin' fangs out of my soddin' palm!" The blonde vampire yelped, tugging his wounded hand free. "You used to be a lot bloody cleverer than this, you know," he added, suckling on the laceration. "You used to wine 'em, dine 'em, and then dine _on _'em. Now you're just goin' straight for the goods without any thought to the consequences."

"Did I hurt you, Will?" Innocent batting of the eyelashes, followed by a quick grab for his hand.

"Yes."

"Yay!" the little boy cheered, jumping up into the air with a juvenile exuberance that made Spike feel old and tired.

"Stop being mean to Will," little Angel snapped, glaring at his evil counterpart. "He didn't do nothin' to you."

"Nobody likes a goody two shoes, _Angel_," Angelus returned, stopping momentarily to carefully side-step a puddle. He stopped again a moment later, realizing that they were surrounded by puddles.

"What's up with you, then?" Spike sighed. "We're almost there." His eyes widened in surprise when he saw the evil version of his mini-sire pout.

"It's dirty." Angelus looked up at his childe with big brown eyes.

Spike blinked.

Angelus blinked back, then held out his arms, making little grabbing motions with his hands.

"And...?" Spike asked, unsure of what was going on.

Angelus sighed. "Don't just stand there, boy! Carry me!"

"Bloody Hell."

Angel tugged on his hand. "Me too, Will. Puddles aren't sanitary."

"Oh, soddin'...bloody....alright." Much fumbling ensued and the two little versions of what once was the Scourge of Europe clambered onto their childe in a multitude of unworkable positions. "Okay, that's enough," Spike finally snapped. "Angel, on my back." He knelt so the little soulful poofmaster general could climb onto his back. "And, you..." he lifted Angelus into his arms.

"How come I'm on the back?" Angel whined as Angelus simultaneously griped, "Why am I on the front?"

"Because I trust you," Spike told Angel. "And I don't trust this one." He started walking again and slowly, but surely, the trio made it to the point where they were across the street from the Hyperion.

"STOP!" Angel commanded. Spike halted immediately. "You didn't look both ways."

"Soddin' shite, Angel," the blonde groaned. "There are no cars. I can hear them, you know."

"What if they're silent cars?" Angel asked. "It wouldn't matter then and you'd just walk out into the street and we'd all die."

"We'd go to Hell," Angelus chirped. "And we'd burn." He pouted again. "Without killing anyone ever again." He glared at Spike. "Boy, look both ways."

"Angelus..."

"Do as you're told."

"Will, you should always look both ways. It's safe," Angel agreed. "I still have lotsa people to save."

"Soddin' bleedin' atonement," Spike grumbled. "We're _vampires_. Cars don't kill us." The two remained silent and thoughtful at that realization while Spike crossed the now car-ridden street without incident. "Angel, you still are a vampire, aren't you?"

"Yeah," Angel affirmed, sliding down the younger vampire's back when they reached the door. Spike half-set half-dropped Angelus to the ground before sucking in a deep, unneccessary breath and letting the two in.

And there they all were: Lorne, Wesley, Gunn, Fred, and Cordelia all sitting around on the little round-a-bout sofa in the lobby of the hotel. As if there weren't plenty of other places to sit.

As if Angelus wasn't automatically attracted to four out of five tasty treats in a duck duck goose-like circle.

"Food!" the little evil wonder squealed, launching himself at the four humans and the less than appetizing green demon.

But there was little Angel in a flash, with a fist to his twin's face and a kick to the tiny groin.

"My FRIENDS," the little souled wonder growled, shaking a scolding finger at the fallen Angelus. "Bite them and I'll kick your butt."

"Will not!" Angelus retorted, then gave a little whimper of pain as he held his bleeding nose.

"Will so."

"Will not."

"Will so."

"Will. Not."

"Will. So."

"EXCUSE ME," Cordelia interrupted the exceedingly hostile banter. "But just what is going on here?"

Spike slumped to the ground next to Wesley's feet and looked tiredly at his two miniature sires. "Borna demon. Toth," he groaned.

"Toth?" Wesley asked.

"He had a big stick," Spike said by way of explanation. "Hit Angel both at the same time and then this happened...and this isn't any bloody picnic."

"Will not," Angelus hissed, trying to get the final word in.

"Will so," Angel hissed back.

"And let me get this straight," Cordelia said slowly. "One of them wants to eat us and the other is...oh god, is that Angelus?"

"What?" Gunn asked, perplexed. "You can't be serious. Mini-Satan in the flesh?"

"Yeah," Spike sighed unhappily.

"No way," Cordelia said.

"Yeah," the vampire repeated.

"No _way_."

"Yeah...way."

"_No_ way!"

"Cordelia, that _is_ getting tiresome," Wesley interjected, looking warily at the two identical vampires.

"Sorry," the dark-haired woman half-heartedly apologized. She looked back to the boys. "So which one of you is evil again?"

Neither raised his hand, though one wore a smug smile while the other began to look increasing irritated.

"It's _him_!" the irritable one snapped, pointing to his smug look-a-like.

"So?" Angelus sniffed. "At least I'm not a human wannabe!"

"At least I don't play in people's blood! That's unsanitary!"

"At least I lick it off and eat properly. You want to talk about dirty, you drink pig's blood!"

"You have Darla cooties."

"You have Slayer cooties and that's so much worse."

A punch in the nose sent little Angelus sprawling across the floor.

"I can punch harder and faster and quicker than you!"

"You wish!"

A fight ensued. Much blood was spilt.

* * *

"Ow ow ow," Wesley groused, flinching as Cordelia tended to his bleeding arm. "Who would have thought that two little boys could cause so much pain?"

"Not me," Gunn admitted, accepting the ice pack from Fred and putting it under his swelling eye.

"I don't get it," the little Texan girl said, taking a seat next to Lorne (who, incidentally, was nursing a broken horn). "Spike was so sweet when he was little. He had his moments, sure, but they were pretty harmless considering what those two just did."

"Angelcakes is still a sweetiepie," Lorne replied. "Despite the hitting and the kicking and the...well, he was just trying to protect us from Satan Jr." He winced and rubbed his leg. "Wish he hadn't kicked me in the shin, though."

"BOY! Release me from these chains and get me out of this ridiculous corner at once!" Angelus barked, rattling the chains connected to his bite-sized manacles.

Spike groaned and feigned ignorance to the fact that the vampire that could rip him and the world to useless shreds (if only he were normal sized) had just given him a direct order.

"Angelus, no talking in time out," Wesley chided.

"Yeah, and you should be there permanently," Cordelia added. "You killed Ms. Calendar." She paused. "Although, she was giving me a failing grade that year and I did pass after her untimely demise..."

"See?" Angelus asked. "Good can come out of evil. If you only let it..."

"Don't listen to him, Cordy!" Angel yelled. "He's bad."

"So bad..." Angelus smiled. "So bad, I'm good."

"That didn't even make sense," Angel growled, balling up his fists and making his way towards his chained up enemy.

"Angel...return to your corner," Wesley sighed tiredly.

"Oh. Sorry, Wes."

"Not a problem."

"Nancyboy," Angelus whispered.

"I have things to atone for," Angel replied, crossing his arms and slouching in his chair. "There's dignity in that."

"There's also dignity in tearing the beating hearts out of your human pets' chests, but you don't do that, do you, Soul Boy?"

"You're mean."

"Duh. I'm _evil_."

"Will, come over here," Angel ordered. Spike obeyed, walking cautiously to his mini-sire's side. "Kick him in the face."

"Do it and I'll rip your lungs right out of your arse, boy," Angelus growled. "And I'll do it chained, too."

"Percy, can we turn them back to normal, yet?" Spike groaned. "You did it for me..."

"Do you really want a full-sized Angelus running around?"

"Better being threatened by the real thing rather than this little bitlet here."

"Well, the answer is still no. That's far too dangerous."

Spike groaned and attempted to move away when he suddenly found Angel clinging to his leg. "This is all Peter Pan's fault."

"You didn't kick him in the face." The classic brooding expression settled over the little face.

"And I'm not bloody gonna, so go pout to someone else."

"That's a good boy," Angelus nodded his head approvingly. "Know your real master."

"He's not yours! He's mine!"

"Is not!"

"Is so!"

Spike pried the little arms from his leg and snuck away, having at a fruitless attempt to block the voices of the bickering children out of his head. It was going to be one hell of a....however long this happened to last.

"Why can't we just stake Angelus and make Angel big again?" Fred was asking.

"There might be serious ramifications to that," Wesley replied. "Getting rid of Angelus might seriously alter Angel, and that might not be for the better." The ex-Watcher fidgeted a bit. "There's another thing..."

Spike quirked an eyebrow. "What other thing, Percy?"

"Well...um, er...you see..."

"You can tell us anything, Sugar Plum," Lorne said gently.

"The book I found the antidote in...to make Spike big again..."

Cordelia's eyes widened. "What? What about the book?"

"Well, um....I seem to have misplaced it."

The sound of ripping paper drowned out their groans of dismay and the Fang Gang, and their miniature leader, turned to look at the small child chained up in the corner...who, incidentally, was gnawing on a huge, musty, 16th Century book. Little, tiny shreds of paper littered the floor around his little feet and big a Cheshire cat grin graced his little face as he ripped at the spine with a single, harsh tug.

"Oh. My. God."

"In the name of all things Ella, no."

"Good Lord."

"This isn't good at all, is it?"

Spike folded his arms and rolled his eyes. "Is anyone else wondering how that even bloody happened?"

No one said a word, but everyone looked equally confused.

"It's not fair," Little Angel spoke up, wiping at his eyes to rid himself of the tears threatening to spill. "It's not fair." He stomped his foot. "I just want to shanshu!"

Little Angelus laughed. Little Angel cried. Spike made a noise that sounded a bit like both.

As for Wesley, Gunn, Lorne, Fred, and Cordelia...well they sobbed. On the inside.

* * *

**TBC...**


	3. Loyalty, Friendship, Rape, and Pillage

**A/N:** The reviews are fabulous. :) Thank ye. Also, thank you Higgy for the bedtime story suggestion, as I shamelessly used it. This isn't as funny as I would have liked, but oh well. I gave it a try. Read, Review, Enjoy. 3

**Little Devil, Little Angel**

**Chapter Three -** _Loyalty, Friendship, Rape, and Pillage_

* * *

"Get out."

"No, that's okay. I don't think I will."

"Get. Out."

"It's my bathtub, too, you know."

"Is not."

"Is so."

Satisfied with his position in the argument, Little Angelus hurled himself into the overfilled bathtub with a very big splash. A very big splash that thoroughly soaked both the bathroom floor and a very irritated Little Angel.

Speaking of whom, Little Angel crossed his little arms and glared at his dastardly twin.

"You made a mess," he said accusingly, placing a tentative foot on his bathmat and then stomping angrily when he realized it was soaked. "What'd you have to go and do that for?"

"Don't be such a dumb-dumb," Angelus smirked. "It'll dry."

"But it's wet NOW."

"I know. It bothers me, too."

"Then why did you do it?"

"'Cause I'm evil..._stupid_."

"I'm not stupid!"

"Yes you are. All heroes are stupid."

Angel pondered for a moment, unsure whether he should feel complimented by being called a hero, or offended by the fact that that meant he was stupid. Either way, it resulted in him following his twin's lead and barreling into the bathtub, creating an equally large, if not larger splash.

"If heroes are so stupid, how come the good guys always win?"

"They don't. You're just being oblivious."

"What's that mean?"

Angelus opened his mouth to give a clever reply when he was hit by a sudden gust of empty-headedness.

"I don't know," he said instead.

Angel gazed at the water, a look of concentration on his face. "I don't know either."

"That's 'cause you're dumb."

"Am not."

"Are so."

Little Mr. Morality launched himself at his accursed counterpart, threw a few blundering punches, and finally got Angelus's head beneath the water. The only evidence of his nemesis's squeals of protest were the bubbles disturbing the surface, but remarkably, that was enough for their very weary childe to make an appearance.

"What in the soddin' Hell do you think you're doin'?" Spike demanded, prying Angel's hands away from Angelus's head.

"He called me dumb!"

"Well, that's cause you are," Spike retorted. "And so is he. You're both really dumb and really annoying and can't you just behave for one bloody minute?" Ignoring the wet eyes and sulky lips, Spike lifted Little Angel out of the tub. "'Sides, you're supposed to be the _nice_ one... and here you are, holding his head under the water? One of the stupid tossers downstairs would've thought you were him and he was you and chained _you_ to the corner. You wouldn't want that, would you?" He reached back in the tub to remove the thoroughly soaked Angelus "And you-"

"No." A petulant pout.

"No?" Spike asked, bemused. "No, what?"

"You're my boy and it's not supposed to work this way."

Spike tugged two towels off the towel wrack. "What's not supposed to work this way?" One around Angel, who still looked about to cry. "Me being the reproving, overbearing, larger than life wanker that you two have always been over the years? For once?" He paused. "Bloody Hell, I really just did that..._scolding thing_, didn't I?" Angelus stepped into the other towel and allowed his thoughtful childe to snugly encase him in it. "Angel?"

Little Angel sniffed. "Yeah?"

"You want to have another go at holding this one under water?"

That was the final straw. Little Angel burst into tears.

Spike gaped. "I thought you'd like to..."

"No! I know it was bad! I'm so bad! I'm so sorry! I'm trying so hard to be good and help and share and be nice, but I'm just so bad!"

"But, Angel-"

"No!" Little hands over his little ears. "I'll never shanshu and I'll never atone because I did too many bad things."

Angelus snorted. "You didn't do anything. Stop trying to take all the credit." He leaned his head back against Spike and said, "Boy, dry my hair," to which the blonde promptly obliged. "I killed lotsa people and I liked it," he said proudly. Then his little face fell. "But then you came along and I couldn't do it anymore." He frowned. "I hate you."

Little Angel's eyes widened. "Up until that last part, that was almost comforting."

"I know, despicable, huh?"

"What's that mean?"

"I don't know."

"Neither do I."

Spike took the following moments of contemplation to wrangle the two into two of Angel's T-shirts and carry them to his sire's expensively embellished bed.

"Don't mess up my sheets," both boys ordered in unison.

"Bloody Hell," Spike groaned.

"Boy, tell us a story."

"Wha-?"

"Yeah, Will," Angel chimed in. "Tell us a story."

"No!"

"Please?" "Now!"

"Soddin', buggeri'....alright." Heaving a hefty sigh of annoyance, William the Bloody wedged himself between the two small boys and rested his back tiredly against the wall. "Now what do you want this story to be about?"

"Loyalty and friendship!"

"Rape and pillage! Rape and pillage!"

Spike groaned. "Alright, alright. Don't get your knickers in a twist."

"We aren't wearing any."

"You didn't have to remind me of that. Okay, here goes..." He trailed off as two little heads decided to use his chest as a pillow.

"Here goes?" Angel prodded.

"Oh, right. Once upon a time, there lived two little princes in a very, very big castle with 162 soddin' rooms. They were identical twins and looked just alike in every way, but they were very different." He paused for dramatic effect. A long pause. So long, Angelus punched him in the ribs. "One was evil," Spike continued through gritted teeth. "And one was good."

"The good one was the best," Angel interrupted.

"Was not."

"Was so."

"If you two don't pack it in, you're not gettin' a soddin' story," Spike growled. Silence ensued and, satisfied, the blonde vampire continued. "As I was saying, one was evil and one was good."

"What were their names?" Angelus asked.

"Susan and Gertrude."

"William!" both squealed in indignation.

Spike sighed. "Angel and Angelus. At any rate, they both had very different friends. Prince Angel had Princess Cordy, who had tits out to here." He stretched his arms as far as they would go. "The rest of his friends - Prince Wesley, Prince Gunn, Princess Fred, and the Court Jester, Krevlornswath of the Deathwok Clan - don't matter as much because they didn't have big tits like Princess Cordy. As for Prince Angelus, he was more of his mother's son. He and his mother, Queen Darla, would play in their big soddin' nursery all day long and when Angelus was especially naughty, Darla would bring him a pretty servant to play with."

"Mommy," Angelus sighed happily.

"Angelus had another little friend named Miss. Drusilla. She wasn't royalty or the like like Angel's big-titted friends. Actually, she was the daughter of one of the servants Angelus used to play with."

"Used to?" Angelus asked.

"Well, no one ever spoke about it, but sometimes Prince Angelus was a bit too much for the servants to handle."

"What happened to them?" Angel inquired worriedly.

"They died."

Angelus cheered.

Angel pouted.

"Anyway, Miss. Dru fast became Angelus's favorite playmate, even though she was a bit loony and had a stupid doll named Miss. Edith who was never allowed to have any cakes. Ever."

"Poor Miss. Edith," Angel interjected sadly.

"Yeah, yeah, poor Miss. Bloody Edith. Anyway, the two little princes only had one friend in common: Sir Spike, the knight distinguished above all other knights. Sir. Spike would traipse happily and freely through the castle, killing anyone who stepped out of line and if he was hungry, he would eat them, too."

Angelus snuggled closer to Spike and closed his eyes.

Spike yawned. "Sometimes he used spikes and stabbed out their beady little eyes with them. Other times he just gave them a swift kick in the bum and said, 'You! Stop that!'. But whenever Prince Angel was around, he just smiled and said, 'You zany kids and your crazy hijinks', gave the good little prince a hug and everythin' was all with the warm fuzzies..." He felt Angel curl into his side.

"Anyway, there was a big soddin' adventure of sorts and Angel and his friends banded together and tried to bring down a big evil, which happened to be Queen Darla and Prince Angelus, who in turn, ate all of the servants and they all went to sleep happy and full and lived happily ever after in the big soddin' castle."

"What about Sir. Spike?" Angel murmured sleepily.

"Sir. Spike tucked them in."

"Did he scare all the Slayers away?" Angelus asked hopefully.

"He did," Spike nodded. "All the slutty blonde slayers cowered in fear at the thought of facing Sir. Spike because he was the slayer of all slayers."

"What about the guilt?" Angel asked.

"Sir. Spike scared that away, too. And many years in the future, little Prince Angel fully redeemed himself and grew into a big, strong, brave man and he shanshued and everyone celebrated."

"I didn't," Angelus said. "I wasn't there no more."

"No," Spike said thoughtfully. "I suppose you weren't."

A few minutes later, the three vampires fell into a fitful slumber.

* * *

**TBC...**


	4. Big Spender

**A/N:** Ah yes. Another chapter. This was inevitable. I tried really hard to make the gags long, awkward, and funny. I'm not sure how that turned out.

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**Little Devil, Little Angel**

**Chapter Four** - _Big Spender_

* * *

"I don't think this is such a good idea."

Wesley shifted from foot to foot, and in a rare display of cowardice, took a full step back; needlessly, it seemed, as little Angel took three steps forward and clung to his leg.

Angelus just smiled at the former watcher in that strangely calm, yet maniacal way he had. He had big plans for this one.

"Look, mate, the tots need clothes. Who knows how long they're going to be stuck like this?" Spike took a long, relaxing drag from his cigarette. "And the lil' hellion here has been trying to tug off these poncy threads that Cordelia picked up since noon. Baby blue's not his color, y'see? He's _evil_." The blonde vampire smirked and treated Angelus to a fond pat on the head.

The little boy scowled. "Overalls!" He huffed. "Blue overalls!" In a display of frustration and anger (which were becoming more and more common as the hours wore on), the evil twin ripped at the straps of the hated garment.

Only to be thwarted by Spike lifting him into the air.

"S'all you got for now, Bitty Sire. We'll get you somethin' you like soon enough."

"You better," Angelus spat, wriggling to get out of the confining hold. "Or I'll have your...your..."

"Intestines," Spike supplied.

"Yeah! Your intestines! And I'll...what will I do with your intestines, boy?"

"Give them back to him?" Angel suggested.

"Shut up, _Angel_. Nobody asked you. Boy?"

The blonde vampire shook his head with a chuckle. "If I help you with these appallingly graphic threats now, you'll never be able to come up with them yourself in the future. And you want to be able to do that, don't you, tidbit?" Angelus nodded glumly, crossing his little arms over his little chest. "Yeah. 'S what I thought. How 'bout a clue?"

Spike failed to repress the squeal of surprise and pain that came with the sharp kick to the shin.

"What is this? Evil Blue's Clues? Take us shopping! **Now**."

"Bloody, soddin, buggerin'...Wes? Why're you so quiet?" Spike looked to the pale-faced watcher anxiously. "Did something happen?" He looked around the desolate lobby. "Something...invisible?"

Wesley shook his head very slowly. "I was just thinking..."

Spike waited for him to continue.

And waited...

And waited...

"About?" he finally prodded.

Wesley blinked. "Well, I don't really know. I was going to say something witty laced with distress over our impending adventure, but then I realized that I couldn't articulate all of that wit and distress into one clever sentence." He cocked his head at his companion and shrugged.

"Riiiiight..." Spike trailed off.

Wesley shifted from foot to foot.

Spike crossed his arms uncomfortably.

Angelus bit Angel's arm.

Angel cried.

"So..."

"Off we go then?"

"Right."

* * *

"Hands," Wesley said firmly, grabbing Angel's little hand in his own. "Hands must be held at all times." Angel obediently picked up Angelus's hand, whose fellow grudgingly took a hold of Spike's. Three hours until close, and the mall was still bustling with people. Men, women, boys, and girls of all ages; baby carriages, shopping bags...

"This is what Hell looked like," Angelus piped up.

"Is not."

"Is so."

"Pack it in," Spike snapped. "Or you're wearin' your poncy blue overalls until we find a cure."

That silenced the bickering duo for a good few minutes as the quartet made their way through the crowded walking areas. Unfortunately, identical twins happened to be a big attraction amongst middle-aged women in shopping malls.

"Oh my gosh," a plump woman, who looked to be in her thirties, gushed. "They are so adorable." She knelt in front of the boys, a big smile on her face. "And look at these matching blue overalls!"

She was favored with identical angelic smiles.

"Yes, well..." Wesley trailed off, taking a moment to force a smile. "They're quite the handful, but it's worth it. Raising children is probably the most satisfying job anyone could ever ask for."

"You're so brave," she cooed, still focusing more on the two boys than their guardians. "You must have to deal with a lot of ignorance. A gay couple such as yourself raising twin boys."

Two mouths dropped open.

"I, uh...we, I mean to say..."

"We're not..."

"And what are your names?" the woman asked the twins sweetly.

"I'm Angel," Angel smiled, jerking his hand out of Wesley's to offer it to the woman. "What's your name?"

"Why hello, Angel. I'm Pamela." She looked up to Wesley. "He's so well-mannered!"

"Yes. Manners are very important in our-"

"I'm Angelus!" Angelus interrupted, grabbing the woman's hand and squeezing it tightly. "I like to kill people for fun."

Pamela didn't think the twins were so cute after that.

* * *

"No."

"YES."

"NO. And that's final."

"Oh bloody Hell, Percy. Just get the kid some leather pants before he makes a scene."

They had been outside the Leather Store for 5 minutes battling Angelus on the subject of leather pants and why he shouldn't have a pair.

"They're too expensive for something he'll only wear a few times. We're NOT wasting that kind of money."

"But I WANT them!"

"You can't always have everything you want."

"Boy! Tell the Watcher that if he doesn't get me a pair of leather pants...I'll, I'll..." He trailed off, looking hopefully up at his childe. Spike shoved his hands in the pockets of his duster and looked to the ceiling. He wasn't getting involved in this. "I'll...I'll..."

Angel poked his twin in the side and whispered something in his ear.

"I'll cry!" Angelus declared, triumphantly crossing his arms over his chest and shooting Wesley a smug smile. "What do you have to say about that, Watcher? Hmm? Got any Council wisdom suitable for dealing with my tears?" The little boy snorted. "You're going down."

Wesley glared at Angel.

Angel hid behind Spike's leg.

"No," Wesley said firmly.

Tears sprang to Angelus's eyes.

* * *

Later that night, Cordelia asked how it came to be that the Leather Store actually had leather pants that fit a four-year-old; and furthermore, what kind of sick parent buys leather pants for their kids in the first place? Isn't that just begging for an S&M fetish?

Angelus's response, you ask? A tomato from the fridge. Covered in ketchup.

"It's for you!" he said.

"Umm."

"It's a heart."

"It, uh...sure is!"

"I'm evil. I wear leather pants." He smiled sweetly at her. "I found it in a quaint little shop girl."

"It's a tomato covered in ketchup," Spike grumbled, a particularly bitter surge of nostalgia overcoming him.

"Cordy! Look at my duster!" Little Angel trooped proudly into the kitchen, sporting his new mini-duster. "I'm broody and mysterious, and my duster billows behind me like I'm a superhero!" Then realizing that sounded a bit egotistical, he added as modestly as he could, "Or something."

"My leather pants are better _and _I have a silk shirt," Angelus replied, puffing out his chest in his burgundy button-down.

"I preferred the overalls," Cordelia told them.

"I hate you," Angelus informed her. After a moment, he added, "You and your big tits."

Angel kicked him. "Don't listen to him, Cordy. You're real nice and your tits are, too." He looked to his evil counterpart. "Let's go play. I can be the victorious hero and you can be the defeated villain." The two boys scampered off upstairs somewhere.

Their tired caretakers tried very hard to ignore the loud crashes and bangs that immediately followed their hasty departure.

* * *

**TBC...**

Reviewing is nice. =)


	5. Playing With Fire

**A/N:** **::gasp::** A dramatic turn of events ensues!

**Little Devil, Little Angel**

**Chapter Five -** _Playing With Fire_

* * *

"You shouldn't do that." Angel crossed his arms uneasily. "It's wrong." 

Angelus smirked and flicked the lighter again, delighting in his reward of flame. He strutted over to his soulful companion, moving more gracefully than anyone ever should in his little leather pants.

"Then why aren't you stopping me?"

Angel cocked his head to the side, eyes dazedly hooked on the tiny blaze of fire that spurted from the lighter. "Because it's pretty."

"You set Mommy on fire once. Dru, too." Ever since Spike's story, Angelus had become accustomed to fondly referring to his former paramour as 'Mommy'.

Angel nodded his head guiltily. "I did."

Angelus gave Angel's hand an affectionate pat. "It's okay. I told you to do it."

The two little boys settled down on the floor of the dilapidated hotel room, their sharp little eyes roaming around in the dark.

"Will's gonna be mad that you stole his lighter," Angel informed his twin.

"He's going to be mad that you didn't stop me."

"Wes is going to be mad that we wandered off. We should go back downstairs."

Angelus merely snorted in response, shaking his head at his twin's need to please. The fire was pretty, Angel had said so himself. If they went back downstairs, they wouldn't be allowed to play with the fire anymore. This is why Angelus thought Angel was stupid. Clearly, it would be more fun to play with their boy's fire now and get in trouble later; if trouble happened along. Trouble was fun. Angelus liked trouble. He also liked the really pretty flame.

"Your fashionably evil burgundy button down's on fire," Angel calmly informed his accomplice.

Wide eyes stared at the burning shirt.

"You should probably scream now," Angel added.

Angelus screamed.

* * *

Angelus liked fire and Angelus liked trouble.

What Angelus did not like was the trouble fire caused to his personal being.

Thus Angelus wailed. Long and hard.

"Shhh."

Gentle hands wrapped a wet washcloth around the burned area of his forearm.

"S'not that bad, tidbit. Could be a lot worse."

Angelus continued to wail.

"Vampires are allergic to fire," Angel said from the floor, tugging on Spike's pantleg. Angelus was on the counter getting all of the attention. It wasn't fair.

"They most certainly are," Spike replied absently.

"I guess that's why Angelus shouldn't have stolen your lighter, huh?"

Spike looked down for a moment, quirking an eyebrow at the good version of his mini-sire. "Among other things."

"He shouldn't have stolen your lighter because it was yours."

"Very good."

"And stealing is wrong."

Spike smirked. "Yeah, but 's fun." Angelus choked on a sob, regaining his childe's attention. "Don't worry, Bitty Sire. This burn should heal up right quick. You're a strong, evil, little boy, yeah?"

Angelus nodded his head vigorously, trying to wipe away his infinite amount of tears.

That's when Lorne sauntered in, carrying a ice cube tray littered with vertical popsicle sticks.

"Treats for my little sweetcheeks," he grinned. Then noticing the crying little Angelus, added, "And my little...evilcheeks." He knelt next to Angel, who tentatively grabbed the end of a popsicle stick. He was surprised to find a crimson block of ice at the end.

"I like to call them bloodsicles," Lorne said thoughtfully. "Give it a lick."

The good little soldier popped the block into his mouth and smiled appreciatively at his green friend.

"Ah. We have a winner." He straightened and held the tray out to the sobbing Angelus. "And one for my heinous little burn victim?" A shaky little hand grasped the end of the wooden stick. Before an inevitable spill, Spike snatched the crude interpretation of a popsicle up and held it to Angelus's little mouth. The little boy went tight-lipped.

"C'mon, tidbit. In comes the innocent, little infant. Mummy's already dead. Time to finish off the offspring." Seeing as that didn't work, Spike added, "Vroom vroom," and wouldn't you know it, the gates opened.

And the crying stopped.

Spike blinked, turned to Lorne, and said, "You're a bloody genius."

Lorne beamed. "Don't I know it."

"I mean really...you're a bloody clever one."

Lorne smiled. "I know."

"No, you don't get it. You're so soddin' smar-"

Blood in its solid form was surprisingly tasty.

"I _know_, sugar." Lorne felt a tug on his pantleg and looked down to see little Angel looking pitifully up at him, messy red lips and all. "Hey, Angelcakes," the green songster smiled, ruffling the tyke's hair.

"Hi, Lorne!" Angel smiled, but Lorne wasn't paying attention anymore. "I told him playing with fire was bad."

"That's great, 'Cakes."

Angel frowned.

"Then I saved the world from radioactively enlarged turtles who were hellbent on world domination."

"Hmm? Fabulous."

"Then I-"

"Are you okay here, Spike? I need to get going. It's Sinatra night at Caritas. All Sinatra. All the time."

Angel pouted as the two adults conversed. Nobody was paying attention to him and he was the GOOD one. Why did he always get the short end of the stick? Whatever that meant anyway. He was the ANGEL of Angel Investigations. The hero. The CHAMPION.

His little hand reached carefully into Spike's duster and enclosed around the lighter.

He'd set Mommy on fire once. Dru, too.

He stared quizzically down at the lighter in his little palm.

Stealing was bad. But it was fun. That's what Will had said.

"Angel?"

His little arms swivelled around his back.

"Yes, Will?"

"Fetch the first aid kit from the kitchen, will you?"

Angelus got all the attention. The tables needed turning....or something.

And Angel would turn those tables. Angel would get the attention. Angel would be **::gasp::** _bad_.

Just as soon as he fetched the first aid kit.

* * *

**TBC...**

Reviewing is amazing. =)


	6. An Idea of Incredible Proportions

**A/N:** This had to be done. It really did. Oh, and something I wanted to address. Spartan, that idea strikes me as so amazing. I don't really want to go there in this story, but I was thinking perhaps of writing a little alternate fic on the side at some point. Perhaps one day. Anyway, onto the goods:

****

**Little Devil, Little Angel**

**Chapter Six -**_ An Idea_ _of Incredible Proportions_

* * *

Little hands, little fingers. Covered in red fingerpaint.

"What're you doin'?" Angel asked curiously, trotting over to his twin. He watched, fascinated, as Angelus drew strange symbols on the office wall. "Where'd you get the paint?"

"It's not paint. It's blood."

"Is not."

"Is - okay...it's not," Angelus sighed, dipping his finger into his kiddy palette. "Fred gave it to me." An evil smirk. "Stupid girl." A yelp. "Hey! You pinched me."

Angel looked down at his pincher fingers in surprise. "I guess I did."

The two were silent for a few moments after that. Angelus continued drawing his outlandish symbols and Angel sat himself on the ground, feeling a little bit bored.

"What do those mean?" he finally asked.

Angelus turned around, an incredulous look on his little face. "They're words!"

"No, they're not."

"You're stupid! You can't read!"

"If they're words, then what do they say?"

Angelus pointed to each 'word' in turn as he read. "Evisceration. Is. Fun." A smug look.

"That's it? That's dumb."

The smug look fled to be replaced by one of annoyance. A little hand planted itself wholly on the kiddy palette, only to be dragged along the wall, forming a big, solid, red smudge.

"And what does that say?"

"Angelus is the best."

"Does not."

"Does so."

"Does not!"

"Hey, Wes-"Gunn stopped abruptly at the threshold of the office, staring at the two little hellions. "What are you two doing in here?" He stared at the vandalized wall and whistled. "English ain't gonna be happy about that."

"It was him!" Angelus said quickly, pointing his red hand at Angel.

Gunn snorted. "Yeah, right." He walked hesitantly into the room and snatched up the cleaner of the two hands. "C'mon, Evil Dead. Let's go tell Wesley what you did."

After a few protests, kicks, screams, and finally, bitter grumbling, Angelus allowed the man to lead him out of the office.

Angel stared after them.

Blinked once.

Blinked twice.

Looked around the vacant room.

"What about _me_?"

He fumbled around the pockets of his little duster and took out the lighter. After a bit of fumbling, he managed to get it to light.

"I'm bad."

A clearing of the throat, a more determined stance.

Then, more deeply, "I'm _bad_."

A forlorn sigh. Little Angel slumped to the ground in defeat. As bad as he got, he would never be bad enough. Not as bad as Angelus was and that was how bad he had to be to get attention. Angelus got all the attention. He got Gunn's attention and Wesley's attention. He got Cordelia's attention a few days ago when he had smeared her new 'Wow Violet' lipstick all over his face, explaining that it was completely appropriate. Angelus was evil, thus he improvised. There was no blood of the innocent, so he would make the blood of the innocent. This meant that Cordy's expensive cosmetic products were key to Angelus's mental health and emotional development. He had, of course, said this in a less complex series of words. The word evil was screamed many a time while he was dragged kicking and screaming to the corner. A wide array of expletives followed as the manacles were fastened to his tiny wrists.

All the while, Angel had watched from across the room; watched as Gunn, Wesley, and Lorne manhandled his devious twin to the corner; watched as Cordelia paced in front of the bored little vampire, lecturing on the importance of not touching Cordy's things because Cordy's things were, of course, fashionable, expensive, and fabulous; and Fred, nice Fred, had taken a handkerchief and gently wiped his criminal counterpart's face free of the remaining lipstick.

But that hadn't been the worst of it.

Ah, because the worst part was when Will entered the picture. The worst part was when Will released little Angelus from the manacles - when Will sat with Mr. Hyde's Biggest Fan and carefully watched over him, not even sparing Dr. Jekyll's Apprentice a single, solitary glance.

Which led Little Angel to now say,"I'm _bad_."

And this time, it actually sounded like he meant it.

* * *

_Later that evening..._

Leather pants chafed. Angel didn't know what the word chafe meant, but he knew that's what leather pants did. They were hard to walk in, too. His little steps were stiff and abrupt, unlike Angelus's fluid , graceful movements. It was okay, though. Evil is as evil does, and wearing leather pants? Evil. It had to be.

Angelus did it.

"What are you doing?" Little Angelus, still naked and wet from his recent bath, gave his look-a-like a quizzical look. "Why are you wearing my leather pants? They're MINE. You're not evil enough."

Angel sneered at him.

Angelus had to admit that it was a very convincing sneer.

"Well, if you're taking MY leather pants, then I'm taking YOUR goody goody duster," he huffed, snatching Angel's duster up from where it was neatly folded over their favorite leather chair and pulling it on.

Angel had to admit that his devilish companion looked positively heroic.

That's when the idea hit the Incongruous Duo.

The idea that would eventually lead to complete and total chaos, people running naked in the streets, and the burning of those unneccessary, impoverished villages in third world countries.

...or maybe just a few zany hijinks.

"Should we...?" Little Angel, good at heart, trailed off uncertainly. It would be _deceitful_. He would be _lying_.

Little Angelus had no such qualms.

"Let's do it," he said with an air of finality. "Let's switch places."

And despite his good heart, and his brooding soul, all Little Angel could do was nod.

* * *

**TBC...**


End file.
